And other extra-ordinary encounters in the USA. Well, not ordinary if you are from Aberdeen, Scotland, that is.

Some of the daily happenings and encounters are odd, to say the least. However, I don’t think the average Texan, or any American for that matter, find any of this unusual.

I do.

Here are some of the oddities, happenings, and general observations that have puzzled and amused me recently.

No More Rats

I came across a truck bearing the happy title “No More Rats” when out walking in the neighbourhood. It was parked outside a perfectly fine detached house. The questions that come to mind here (unanswered) are: how many rats in this house? have they all now gone? and last, but by no means least, where have they gone? Sitting in the driver’s seat of “No More Rats” was someone who bore no resemblance to the Pied Piper and was (of course) busy texting. Perhaps messaging someone about how many rats he had disposed of (I still want to know where).

RV vacations

Here in the US everything has to be bigger. Not least among big things is the RV or winnebago which may or may not be pulled by a very large truck, or indeed pull behind it a not insubstantial vehicle which presumably serves as the runaround when parked up in the RV trailer park.

The drivers of these monsters are quite unlike their UK cousins.

Where your average caravan club member will be dittering along the road at not much more than 40 mph holding everything up in their wake, the drivers of the RV/truck/car combos speed along the highways at a completely unsuitable pace. Unsuitable should they require to stop, that is. They overtake you with panache and aplomb, leaving you breathlessly panicking and crossing your fingers that there is nothing up ahead that should cause anyone to slow down. They are amazing vehicles.

I imagine they contain everything AND the kitchen sink. Indeed possibly a bath or even a jacuzzi.

Dogs wearing things

Now, this craze is catching on in the UK, but over here it is an art. Many pooches are observed wearing clothes, designer gear even, and in unsuitably hot climes too. The little pink Princess I got my photo taken with was one such. She even had on little shoes. In her owner’s defence, the show was in aid of breast cancer research and so was in a good cause. The wee toot didn’t seem to mind too much either – and positively adored her (quite macho) owner.

Sweet.

Use of the mobile phone while…cycling

While out for a lovely cycle along the beach in Venice (LA), we observed a family of four on two bikes. The two parents had kiddie seats behind them and they were all cycling along fully kitted out safely with helmets on. The cycle path was very busy, some cyclists obviously thought themselves in the Tour de France and were speeding along in lycra while we dallied along checking out the view. So really, not the environment in which to be cycling along one handed, kid in tow, holding your mobile phone aloft and taking pictures of the scenery.

That kid will surely need its helmet when the mother inevitably crashes into another cyclist, wall or indeed misses the turning in the twisting, winding path. Good grief!

Attempting to drive at Los Angeles airport (LAX)

This is not something I would recommend – at all. End.

Food prices at LAX

Once safely through security in the Southwest terminal, one looks for something to eat. Now imprisoned, you have a very limited choice of outlets. Starbucks has a queue that would grace Disneyland. So you grab a sandwich in the (futile) hope that this will be a slightly cheaper option. And there is no queue. The modest and rather puny wrap plus drink costs $15 – that’s about £10.  Not even that delicious, the experience leaves a bitter aftertaste as you realise just what a rip-off it is and that you can do nothing about it. Shocking how once imprisoned, they just ramp up the prices to an astronomic level, and unfortunately there is no shortage of mugs paying the price.

You live and learn.

Insanely skimpy….

I shared a pleasant half hour or so at the pool of the hotel in LA with a young man from Tel Aviv who worked for the Israeli government. He was particularly chatty and (imo) gay (this is of partial significance). Apparently hotels in Israel will have ‘adult only’ times at the pool so you don’t have to suffer the noise of screaming kids – quite a good idea – and so he was a bit perturbed to be sharing the pool with hosts of children and their parents. He told me that earlier in the day a mother had approached him to complain to him about his ‘insanely tight swim shorts’ as they disturbed her children.

Quite how these trunks disturbed her children is anyone’s guess.

The shorts were not big, baggy, hawaiian ones, granted, but they were a lot more substantial than speedos and the usual training swim wear that competitive swimmers might don. They could not be described as ‘a thong’, for example. And whilst they hugged the guy tightly, one averted one’s eyes, for goodness sake. Or did her children just gawp at his (modest) package? No Linford lunch box here.  It was quite amusing. The woman and her children were apparently decamping to a very gay friendly hotel in Hollywood, much to his amusement.

He wondered how she and her children might cope there…with rather more skimpy shorts than his on display.

Traffic jams at the Hollywood sign

Not the best decision – to go and see the Hollywood sign at sunset from the Griffith Park Observatory. The queue of traffic hardly moved and the sun was long gone by the time we decided to turn around and head back, without actually stopping to look at the sign. Where did all these people come from? Had they been queuing all day to see the sign? If you do ever want to go, head off about lunch time, I reckon. We saw the sign from various vantage points, just not the iconic one.

Never mind.

Bel Air Hotel

I had to re-visit this hotel. I actually stayed here when I was 16 and did not appreciate at the time that it was/is still one of the most exclusive hotels in LA. So we headed up Stone Canyon Road and found it, pretty much as I vaguely remembered it. It’s a beautiful hotel. Swans grace the lake that you cross to get into reception. The accommodation is spread around the grounds in mini-villas. The setting is like a tropical forest with running water (even in the California drought) and lots of greenery. Pure luxury. You can book now for a night from a basic rate of around $600 which is only £400. Part of the ‘Dorchester Collection’. We had to park on the street as the car park was for valet parking only. And I felt a bit daft getting out to take a photo, convinced I would be evicted. But amazingly I was not.

Brass neck paid off.

Newlyweds

We were waiting for the long stay car park shuttle at Hobby Airport, and there was quite a crowd gathered. One elderly couple had boarded the wrong bus and all their baggage was in the process of being unloaded on the roadside again, so they could wait for the next bus. When it arrived, mob rule prevailed and the poor couple were squeezed out by the rest of the passengers, as were we. So we waited again for the next one. This time I signalled to Maurice to help the couple with their baggage and I would try to keep the crowd at bay. We were successful in our endeavours and the couple were very grateful.

The woman pressed her moistly sweaty cheek against mine and whispered, “he’s 91 you know” of her husband, and of course I replied in amazement, as he was pretty spry.

“And we’ve just got married” she added. I gasped and had to announce this to the assembled crowd and everyone gave them their hearty congratulations!

What is slightly more worrying – they were (clearly) still driving in Houston as they were off to collect their car, just like all the rest of us….oh well, at least they weren’t driving in LA!