I was reading about polyglots recently – people who are multi-lingual – and feeling inspired, I resolved to learn Spanish. Again.

I have attempted to learn Spanish a few times, but the holiday got in the way. Spain is full of people who speak English so you end up giving up on your new found skills and resort to the easy way.

Those of us in the US, UK, Australia and New Zealand find that our native language is spoken by a huge percentage of the world’s population so we become lazy.

I was reasonable at French, at school. Now, that was not yesterday. My stock French phrase is “je ne parle pas le français, mais je comprend un peu”  – I do not speak French, I understand a little.

In Spanish, I can order refreshments. Well, let’s be honest, beer and wine. And say thank you – gracias – although even that produces a dilemma. When to and when not to pronounce the “s” on the end. ‘Grassy arse” as Maurice says or “Grassy, ahhhhh”.

Spanish is most definitely a major language here in Texas. for obvious reasons. The history is entwined with Mexico and the population reflects that. Bring other immigrants from Latin America into the mix and Spanish is not just a close second language, but is spoken on even terms. Every automated telephone support line offers a Spanish option up front. The ATMs all have Spanish options. Signage in many stores is replicated in English and Spanish.

Our gardening squad all speak Spanish, and I’m not sure they speak much English.  But that’s ok. I will learn Spanish and be able to offer them a soda in Spanish.

I do have other language skills – not just French. I can understand Doric. And actually I found myself speaking Doric to my Indian neighbour the other day who just nodded politely and looked faintly puzzled.

She has been going through what many here are going through – she’s been made redundant from her job in oil and gas here in Houston. So struggling for sympathetic words of comfort, out popped, “Aye, it’s a sair fecht.” I quickly translated – but by then she clearly thought me mad.

But it made me realise that I am a polyglot, albeit with limited skill. It’s amazing how some situations or conversations call for a term that is not English. Que sera sera, for example.

It’s been a ‘sair fecht’ for Maurice too of late, having to apply for his own job was not pleasant and the shock waves are still being felt around him.  Many are without jobs though, so he’s thankful that he’s still in employment and we’re here for a while yet.

It was a really ‘sair fecht’ for a lad called Twisselman, a smart looking pizza delivery boy who was recently attacked by a very unlikely middle aged woman. This was ‘America’s Court with Judge Kevin Ross’. I don’t watch daytime TV much , despite what some of you may think, but happenchanced upon a recent episode. In the UK we’re familiar with Judge Judy and there may be some others that have crept over the pond. Here there are a myriad of such similar shows.

There’s the Paternity Court, where unfortunate men (usually) and unfortunate women go to court on TV to find out the paternity of their offspring. It’s prolonged into a half hour show, painfully, with ad breaks at each climactic moment. Including the ‘big reveal’ 5 minutes from the end when it’s revealed if the man is the father of the unfortunate (usually) child. During the show, all the detritis of their lives is presented to the viewer and the studio audience, who voice their own opinions on the matter loudly with ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhhs’ at the appropriate point. Much like those watching a game of tennis do. Thankfully the opponents don’t grunt, well, maybe a bit, sometimes.

Back to Twissleman. The story grew stranger as it transpired his ex-girlfriend was the woman’s daughter and she had also been prone to attacking him. On this occasion the mother had attacked him (she looked like she was a Sunday School Teacher) because he had forgotten the garlic ‘knots’ in her order. I kid you not. You could not make this up. He was claiming damages from his injuries which cost $500 to repair with stitches. I’m afraid I lost interest (and the will to live) by the ad break so didn’t hang around for the verdict.

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We passed another pleasant weekend in Dallas recently and visited South Fork of Dallas fame. It is precisely as it appeared on the show, although the interior shots were taken in Hollywood. It’s a lovely ranch and we thoroughly enjoyed our visit and tour. We like Dallas too. The road system there is amazing and seems to be under more improvement. The system can easily cope with the high volume of traffic, which actually moves. Unlike in Los Angeles, where it just doesn’t.

We also visited Waco on the way back from Dallas which seemed to be quite an interesting and picturesque town. Quite unlike its murky past. Bang in the middle of Waco is the grand university of Baylor on a lovely campus. We had lunch near the college at a very studenty hostlery and passed an hour or so walking along the river and doing a bit of sightseeing.

The weather is perhaps getting cooler. We’re off on our hols soon. Again I here you say – but this is for a whole week not just a weekend. So there will be lots to report when we get back no doubt.

Aye, it’s a sair fecht here in Houston.