I want to share with you some of my thoughts on US toilets….warning, this article may contain some references that readers may find disgusting.

But first, here’s a word from our sponsor.

Ads, ads, ads. Try as you might you can’t escape them. TV today is obsessed with the blizzards up north on the east coast of the US. Lots of cancelled flights and lots of snow in heavily populated areas. No one getting into Boston today by the sounds of it.

And the breakfast tv presenters are pursuing the notion that in nine months time there will be a baby boom due to the storm.

You can purchase your very own unique baby name for $30,000…

Anyway, back to the issue of toilets – or more generically, bathrooms.

Apparently the editor of the New Yorker banned the use of the word ‘toilet’ in his publication in the 1920s as he found it so loathsome.

Now, please do not take offence US friends, but for a highly developed nation with some amazing labour (or labor) saving inventions, colossal civil engineering constructions and well, you also put a man on the moon (ffs), your toilets/bathrooms, are, frankly, somewhat lacking.

Let’s start clean. The first observation is on baths.

Those of you who have visited the US will be familiar with the puddle sized bath provided in hotel rooms, but you are usually thinking – ‘well, it is the centre of New York after all’ or ‘well I prefer a shower anyhooo..’ Well let me tell you – this appears to be a NORMAL size of bath over here. Yes, that’s right, fine for a 4ft 11in tiny wee adult or indeed a child, but anyone over 5ft – your legs will need to be straddled either side of the taps for comfort.

And the shape. The bath may look spacious – and I suppose it is really, it would amply take the girth of most large people, but no sign of the lovely curved back which makes a soak in the bath that much comfier.

I suppose it’s a case of what you are used to…and taking a shower is more economic on water usage which is in much shorter supply here than in Scotland.

Before I move on to more intimate areas of bathroom observations, telephones and their usage here, as in the rest of the developed world, is ubiquitous. But to the extent that phoning or texting while driving are not strictly illegal here. The only instance where texting (in this state) is illegal is in a school zone. I have seen many drivers phoning and texting while driving – along 6/7/8 lane highways – oh yes. Very scary. Specific companies will have a ban on their employees engaging in such dangerous practices and I imagine that if they did and were involved in any accident, insurances would be invalidated.

Another ad – this time for Houston Centre for Spinal Laser Surgery….one of the better ones.

Back to bathrooms.

Getting a bit more intimate – the issue of cubicles in public bathrooms. I remember so clearly the horror I felt in 1972 when I first came to the US and had probably my first experience of public ‘loos’ at High School. Dearie me – they are not too private. The cavernous gap at the bottom of the door barely covers your modesty. Certainly sound effects can be clearly heard, and well let’s not talk smells. These are not places you want to linger and to be honest, keeping one’s legs crossed or bum clenched till you get home is preferable. Why? Is there a shortage of cubicle door material? Is there a perceived safety issue? Or are we just too damn modest in the UK and really it’s odd not to want to share our sounds and sniffiness with the general populace.

Toilets at the Cypress Saloon were surprisingly clean and tidy – but did have ‘stable’ doors – no, actual stable doors. The place is ‘done out’ in true spit and sawdust style and was the venue on Saturday for the Houston Blues Festival. A really great venue, intimate, basic, full of character and the music was wonderful.

Rick Lee was playing when we arrived and he ended up playing his guitar using a Coors bottle as a slide, then a chair, then he did something with his guitar and a woman who volunteered that thankfully I couldn’t see properly – but lots of the men were taking pics and crowding around!  He was an excellent and highly entertaining guitarist.

After a couple of other acts, Buddy Whittington took the stage around 10pm. Already nearly past our bedtime, we stayed on until 12.30am and thoroughly enjoyed his fantastic set, full of surprises and covering the full spectrum of blues from near country to rock. Our first gig since coming to Houston, although we did see Jefferson Starship in the summer at the Miller Outdoor Theater. This is a great venue which provides open air free gigs in Hermann Park – a wonderful facility and right next to where our new home is going to be.

Forgot to say that we have definitely got the house now! This is not the original one we looked at due to a grippy landlord, but a lovely spacious home in a ‘gated’ community near the Medical Centre. We move in this weekend so more on the house to come.

My final thoughts on toilets.

I think that the fact you are provided with a plunger as a standard piece of equipment in a serviced apartment speaks volumes.

Look out for these features next time you are in the US:

• Toilet pedestal height – this is low! Just when your bum thinks it should be meeting the seat – oops no, it has another 6 inches or so to go!
• Water level – this is high! so I will leave the consequences of this to your imagination.

And please, do flush often. Or that plunger will be put to very good use!

Post script on toilets – please read!

According to the United Nations, 2.5 billion people do not have access to proper sanitation, including toilets. If you haven’t seen it, this article on the BBC news site is a reminder that we are lucky people and should not take our plumbing for granted. I have poked fun at US toilets – read the stories here and see what others have – or more accurately, don’t have.

• In pictures: My toilet