No Maurice is not missing, but I am missing him.
A few days on your own is fine – very good actually – and I rather enjoy the luxury of having my own space and doing my own thing.
But nearly two weeks is more tedious. I end up speaking to myself a lot, and doing things I would perhaps not normally do.
Here is my guide to 16 things to do when home alone in Houston….
It’s been raining in Houston.
Not that bad by Houston standards but some areas have had torrential downpours and flash flooding. The Bayou has been up over the paths we usually walk, but it recedes as quickly as it rises.
However, to newbies like us it is a tad disconcerting to have tv programmes interrupted by horrible high pitched alert noises, followed by a screechy voice proclaiming doom to all. In a shouty male American accent of the Anchorman variety, the alert we got went thus:
“PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS…
MOVE TO HIGHER GROUND NOW. ACT QUICKLY TO PROTECT YOUR LIFE!”
Now this would have been rather difficult since there is no ‘higher ground’ near us, so far as I know. Everything is dead flat. Well apart from the Bayou and that is lower than us so we just sat tight and resumed watching tv once the screechy voice had finished.
I looked out of the window and although there was a considerable downpour – you could tell from the drops of rain in the puddles – the water was not accumulating outside our house and so no need to climb the stairs just yet. But there may come a day when we’ll be grateful to be interrupted and thankful for the warnings – which we will heed to be sure.
Of course, we knew it would start raining very heavily day upon day – because we’ve just gone and bought bikes!
Maurice managed to get a rather nifty and fast one second hand for the same price I got a brand new one at Target. Here’s hoping mine does not fall to bits after a few miles – but so far so good.
Just before the inclement weather, we went exploring along the Bayou past the Hermann Park walk we normally take, along a bike trail which I believe goes all the way into the downtown area. We passed the most amazing residential area where the houses are ginormous and you are left wondering just how many people living in Houston can afford such palaces. And they must be a nightmare to maintain. You would need an army of workers – hmm I wonder if the occupants do indeed secure a variety of services (legal and illegal perhaps).
Back in the day – this was the deep south and the owners of the palaces of the time did rely on an army of workers to keep them in the lap of luxury. These workers were not paid, however, except with a roof over their heads and they were traded like livestock until Lincoln managed to win the war and win hearts and minds to his cause.
Still, it’s fun to cycle past and peer into other lives and occasionally glimpse a resident putting out the rubbish, or should I say, trash. Everyone is always so friendly “Hello, how are you?” invariably comes, and you are left with the feeble reply of “fine thanks, you?” uttered in two seconds, if you don’t, they have already turned and walked away or walked past. “Fit like” is so much more economic of one’s time and “nae bad” as much as you really want to offer.
Speaking of friendly greetings, Maurice recently had his hair cut at a Sports Cuts. This is a franchise that pops up in various shopping areas in Houston. This was Maurice’s first experience of Sports Cuts and as a new customer he was treated to a neck and shoulder massage in a special room, a hot towel facial massage and free shampoo and conditioner. As well as his haircut. And all for just $17 which is about £11. He also gets a free sideburn and neck trim on his next visit. Bargain. Although not as cheap as Mikes.
Each of the three hairdressers in the salon gave a simultaneous greeting when someone entered: “Hello and welcome to Sports Cuts!”. This was uttered each and every time a customer came through the door. However, sometimes one of them missed the cue: “Hello and welcome to Sports Cuts”, “..Sports Cuts !” came the echoing greeting, not quite in unison. Maurice chuckled.
Customer service US style never fails to amuse me. Take a recent visit to Whole Foods where a young man was oh so eager to please us while he scanned our groceries then asked for the cash. As Maurice presented his card “Credit or Debit sir?” “Debit” came Maurice’s reply. “Awesome!” said the lad. One of many instances where a word was used that really did not fully recognise the circumstances of its context. Anything less “awesome” than presenting one’s card to pay for groceries – albeit a Debit card – I have yet to find.
On the way back from our cycle run and we see the other side of Houston. Less than a mile from the mansions of MacGregor Drive and we see homeless people living under the bridges over the Bayou. A small pile of possessions heaped beside or under them as they lie slumped for shelter, settling in for the night. The bridges over the Bayou won’t provide much shelter tonight I don’t think.
Very little time to do the blog this week so you’ll be pleased to know it is short!
I have been struck by how those that sell us ‘stuff’ over here can package and market so effectively – the stores are just full of those-things-we never-thought-we-needed-and-now-want.
The latest of these was a little package I picked up and showed to Maurice when we were shopping in our local Randall’s – very like Waitrose and actually Safeway.
The little package contained 4 gorgeously tiny little plastic containers with different coloured lids. So handy. So cute. But the look on Maurice’s face said it all – what on earth do you need those for?
He didn’t get it did he? It’s not about what you need over here – it’s about what you want.
I wanted those cute little plastic containers that would really not be used – too tiny for leftovers, and too unnecessary for knick knacks – which otherwise come in the containers they were actually sold in.
Maurice would rather wash out an old coffee tin for his guitar gadgets – ‘this will be handy’ he says.
Said tin is accumulating rust and still in the kitchen, nowhere near guitars.
Anyone who has ever flown courtesy of a US airline will be familiar with Sky Mall. The glossy brochure you get in your seat pocket is packed full of highly unnecessary but nevertheless desirable gizmos, gadgets and bonkers accessories – many for your pets. Obviously there is cat clothing, but also folding stairs for your dog to use to get up on the sofa or your bed. And also any number of variations on the garden gnome theme as well as glow-in-the-dark toilet seats.
This is clearly a society with too much wealth to spend on absolute rubbish. But you get addicted to wanting this garbage. It pulls you in until before you know it, you really, really NEED this stuff.
The masters of spin are the ad men. I have spoken before about the advertisements on TV here – interrupting your viewing enjoyment at every turn. Sometimes you do actually enjoy the ad – well, only if Matthew McConaughey is in it. And now I want a Lincoln.
Oh, before I forget, did I mention I passed my Texas Driving test?
This road ‘test’ is all of 10 minutes long. I wondered if I was actually going to do a left turn – and I think I only did 2. It is therefore much more understandable why the general standard of driving over here is so dire. You can drive on a probationer licence without any ‘L’ plates denoting your apprentice status. You can phone, text, drink, eat your dinner (many do) and generally move around lanes in whatever haphazard way takes your fancy. You honk your horn at will when someone takes more than a nano second at a junction. You don’t ever ever bother to let someone in to the line of traffic in front of you if you can help it. And don’t look at anyone lest they take a road rage hairy canary and reach for their gun.
Anyway, back to consumerism.
We need to ‘buy’ medical services and have done a search for doctors and Maurice recently also visited the dentist.
The dentist appointment here is a very different affair from at home. The dentist himself appears to be ‘working on’ a number of patients at once in conveyor belt fashion, so you may get left for long periods in your chair, in a slightly downward tilted position with implements and instruments hanging out of your mouth while you endeavour to keep your mouth open.
Maurice’s experience was not pleasant and has not ended. Oh and it’s not cheap. $2900 apparently for his root canal treatment – all paid by the insurance company.
Mad Men started its final run here last night. It gives a great insight into the rise and rise of the consumer society and is wonderfully evocative of the early 70s, when I was last living in the US…
Ok that’s all folks. The ducklings are in Hermann Park and I have to go and visit them.
Won’t have much time for TV and musings in the next 3 weeks – visits from family and then a trip to Europe and home beckon so I’ll ‘see’ you in May when I imagine the weather will be ramping up a few degrees.
Ok, so this is not the worst thing going on in the world right now.
However, it is mightily irksome when you pay (or will be paying) for a service that just doesn’t live up to the hype.
But enough of that – you don’t want to hear me wingeing. You want to read tales of derring do in Houston.
Not too much derring or do just now in Houston. Domesticity has crept up on me and apart from my remote work for RGU, I do seem to manage to fill the day perfectly well with rather mundane activities. The latest major excitement for me has been the arrival of a wide variety of online purchases for the home. Would they live up to the pretty pictures on the websites? Would I remember what the h**l I bought anyway?
I have to say that almost without exception, the delivery of items has been wonderful. They are left on the doorstep routinely which also means I don’t have to hang about in the house and as we are in a gated community, it’s pretty safe.
Less enjoyable is assembling flat pack furniture. That’s not been a tremendous joy and has filled many hours that I won’t get back. On the plus side – I can now use an allen key (or wrench as it is rather inaccurately described in the instructions) quite well without breaking my nails. And I can do the bedside tables (or night stands as they are called here) from World Market blindfold. My pb is around half an hour.
Ordering things online has been a bit of a challenge due to the language barrier. Normal household items here have different names so a lot of guesswork has to be done to get to what you want via search on the internet. Now as I am a Search Engine Optimisation expert (well – not really but more so than most) I understand the importance of using the correct keyword in your web content. But when you don’t even know the right keyword to use in the first place, it all gets a bit messy and random.
So here are some useful translations: curtains are drapes and are usually sold singly rather than in pairs though why anyone would only want one is beyond me; curtain poles are, therefore, drape rods; valanced sheets for the bed are rather attractively known as bedskirts; and a corner unit for one’s kitchen is a breakfast nook.
One thing which has been most unreliable here of late is the weather. We enjoyed some wonderful sunny warm days in January and I know I annoyed many of you with my pics of the pool at the apartment complex. But today, once again, Houston has been shivering in temperatures of 3 degrees. I now look at the temperature and it has climbed to 7 and only just overtaken Aberdeen for the first time in 3 days. On Sunday we were sweltering in 24 degrees and it was muggy. We ventured out on Sunday evening to a local hostelry and Maurice wore his shorts. Within half an hour of leaving the house, the temperature had plummeted, the wind was up and the cold front had made an unwelcome appearance. Maurice’s knees (and perhaps some areas further north) were blue.
Today – from the 3 degrees of this morning – we are due to reach the balmy heights of 13 by 5pm which is a pretty large leap in a day. Early next week we are set to be at 26 again. So never a dull moment here – nothing predictable about the weather at this time of year – but here’s hoping it settles down a bit. The heating/aircon systems are getting a bit confused not to mention this ex-pat.
So on to the Xfinity saga. I really won’t bore you with the entire debacle, but suffice to say it has been one of the worst customer experiences of my life. With the exception of Orange/EE. And perhaps BT/Scottish Gas/Sky at times.
The Orange/EE issue was with my UK mobile. For some reason Orange take 28 days to send you a new pay as you go SIM. O2 sent Maurice his in a day. We wanted to cancel our mobile contracts but keep the UK numbers going with PAYG SIMs. Needless to say my SIM had not arrived prior to leaving the UK but arrived via re-directed mail some 2 weeks later. Then it became inordinately difficult to get anyone at Orange to understand what I wanted to do. I spent the best part of 2 hours on 3 separate phone calls only to find the issue was not sorted, and that Orange had the cheek to charge me yet another month’s payment for the monthly contract I had been trying to cancel since the end of November! I have since spoken to them, emailed them, and cursed them – to finally receive this week a refund of the month’s charges. My UK number is now transferred to a PAYG SIM but I dread to think what will happen when I try to top this up online from here….
Ok – back to Xfinity. We have never had ‘on demand’ since we subscribed nearly 4 weeks ago. So at the end of last week we made serious efforts to finally get this fixed. Only to result in us having no tv at all – nothing. And the final straw was a general ‘outage’ on Monday which took out phone and internet too. There was more to the story than this – including many, many phone calls to their helpline – which is of course automated. I can practically recite the options and the disclaimer which informs us that they can tell there are problems on our line. And all of this from a voice that very frustratingly, can’t listen to you. It asks for voice responses then tells you ‘sorry, I can’t understand that response’ because the automated listening device can’t understand my accent. I have resorted to the most ridiculously exaggerated American accent to try to get the thing to understand! Finally, when you do get a real person, it is really hit and miss who you get and if they are at all interested in your problems.
These technical issues were finally resolved by a very capable young man called Melvin who came to the house yesterday. We did indeed have a signal problem which after 3 hours he has fixed – for now. Excuse my pessimism.
It has made me contemplate the complexity of the infrastructure in a city like Houston: a huge sprawling city with many construction projects and service provision issues. Is there a point at which a city gets just too big to cope with all the major service demands? Maurice and I have concerns for rubbish – or rather garbage – disposal. Unlike Aberdeen we have not one but two refuse collections per week, including a recycling collection which we use extensively. But disposing of garbage, sewerage and other unmentionables in a city of this scale must be immensely challenging. Especially in a consumer society which loves its packaging and also its polystyrene, plastic and other non-biodegradable products.
But they do seem to dispose of it remarkably well here. You don’t see much litter on the streets and certainly not in the public parks. It must be a major industry.
A sadder tale is of the number of homeless ‘pan handlers’ we see around the streets. Many take up positions at busy intersections with traffic lights and appeal directly to car drivers and passengers with their scrawled notices proclaiming desperate times.
One of our ‘local’ homeless has taken up residence in what can only be described as a very large rubbish bin near to Burger King and Pizza Hut. He is known to the staff in these establishments and appears to use their toilet facilities, and, one can only presume, he gets the odd scrap of food from the surplus there too. He must be very cold right now.
What has brought someone to a point in their life where living in a refuse container is the only choice they have? In a mega-wealthy country, as the USA is, it is a social disgrace. Do they have a choice? We are led to believe there are shelters for the homeless and that not many of the pan handlers are truly without a roof over their heads. But surely to goodness if you could choose a shelter over a rubbish bin you would.
Wouldn’t you?
We’ve moved!
At last we have moved out of our temporary ‘Shining’ apartment and moved into a lovely town house in the Texas Medical Centre area.
Houston House
Although we have moved, our possessions have not quite made it. Rather annoyingly we have had to go out and buy some basics to keep us going and so have been introduced to some of the more interesting retail experiences of the USA.
First of all there is Rooms-To-Go. This does exactly what it says on the tin – and sells you complete room settings – to go. No waiting for 6 weeks (usually 8) for a new sofa – ‘pick a date and we’ll deliver’. Initially we were just going to get a cheap sofa. Well, half an hour of browsing later and we’d furnished the home.
We still have a lot to come from the UK so we didn’t go completely mad.
Honest.
The next on the list for essentials was Ikea. Just like Ikea back home. Unfortunately. But cheaper and with all we could possibly need So we piled high the trolley with linen and crockery and cutlery and 2 carefully chosen pans. All my pans are coming over from the UK so didn’t want to go over the top. One medium one and one smaller one for rice or pasta.
After queuing for what seemed like hours but was probably 10 minutes, everything was checked through except for – one of the pans. I had apparently chosen a display pan which couldn’t be ‘rung through’. What?
So I have one very small pan. No we were not going back in to brave the 5 mile walk to the pan section.
We managed to buy a couple of beds from the second hand goods website that Chevron helpfully provides to employees. The slight snag was that we had to pick these up ourselves. Now, the new car is a bit of a tardis – but being a ‘reasonably priced car’ in the sensible saloon category, it was not going to take a bed. Or even a mattress. So Maurice hired a van from U-Haul.
Sunday (Superbowl Sunday!) was our moving date so we hired a van to collect at 10.00. It was important that we had something to sleep on.
On our way to collect it, we were traveling along the freeway minding our own business in our reasonably priced car. Being Sunday, it was pretty quiet. When suddenly at a most awkward point on the road, where 5 or 6 lanes split to become two separate freeways, we saw a police car with its rear end sticking out into the nearside lane, our lane, with blue lights flashing having pulled over a car sitting in front of it.
We had to brake really hard and put the hazards on too, when suddenly from behind us careered a large pick up truck which screeched all the way around us and ended up swinging right around to face us. Meaning we had to come to a full stop – on the freeway. Bits were flying off cars all around us and somehow we, and our car, were unscathed.
Rolling down the window we asked the cop if he needed us as witnesses and he flagged us over to the hard shoulder. Basically his car sticking out had caused a chain reaction behind us. Looked like two pick up trucks had tried to take avoiding action, were going too fast or were distracted (drivers are always on the phone or texting) and collided. One was scraped down one side and the other lost bits and was left facing the opposite way.
We hadn’t really much more to add so the cop let us go – we were running late now to collect our van – and were very shaken by what we had just seen. No one looked hurt thankfully, but the girl in the truck that swung around probably had whiplash or at very least was left traumatised. What possessed the cop to stop his car where he did is beyond me.
A pick up truck is becoming ever more appealing as the second car.
At U-Haul we inspected our vehicle. Maurice thought it was not going to be big enough. So back to the office and we were provided with a truly enormous truck – more like a lorry – in the UK not sure we would be legally allowed to drive it. Maurice managed pretty well really.
Satnav took us to the locations to collect the beds and we also had another trip to Rooms-To-Go. We had bought a floor bargain which had to be collected in person. Unfortunately Satnav didn’t know about road works which narrowed lanes and took us on journeys through residential areas with our enormous cargo vehicle. A few tree branches were victims. Thankfully it was only vegetation that suffered.
The beds are great – practically brand new – and so at least we had something to sleep on for our first night in the house.
We went back out to get the next essential – a guitar amplifier….(sighs).
Right across the road from the Guitar Centre is Walmart.
We went to Walmart. This is Asda on steroids. But the only resemblance to Asda is some of the clothing – as the George label was in evidence.
This was a serious mega-mega store. Whole communities could exist in the aisles here, and do. Children were riding bikes, teenagers were playing video games, babies were probably born here. How they close the store – I do not know. Perhaps they don’t. How could you ever be really sure it is empty? Not easy.
This place sells everything. Not cars, but that’s about it, although, tyres and other car bits – yes.
This place was jawdroppingly massive and cheap. We had intended to buy phones for the house. But ended up with all our electrical appliances including a hoover and also an ironing board. I wish I had taken a picture of Maurice pushing the trolley.
By the way, mushrooms are quite expensive relatively speaking over here and there’s not much choice. Strange. The only explanation I got from my lovely driving instructor Debbie is that it’s maybe a taste thing, that and the way they are grown…hmmm.
I am very lucky to have a lovely, patient driving instructor. I’m getting better but still get sweaty palms on the freeway. And the near miss doesn’t help. Debbie brought me some home made jam and fresh farm eggs – which were delicious. She was given an Emu’s egg last weekend and it arrived at her home by post, wrapped in a disposable nappy. Taking over an hour to blow out the contents, she then made a frittata that fed 9 people with one egg. ‘Goodness, all the way from Australia?’ I asked. ‘No, Arizona’ was the unlikely reply.
Fresh produce in general is wonderful over here. Salads and vegetables are fresh and flavourful, crunchy and very tasty. I am still finding my way with choice – there are so many great stores – as with most things it would appear- you do get great quality at a reasonable price.
Mind you – a gallon of gas/petrol – $1.85. A gallon of milk $3.85.
In advance of our move we had to deal with another 2 priorities – tv and internet.
Xfinity is sort of like Sky. So we went to the Xfinity store to sign up for our service. The very helpful assistant explained everything clearly and outlined the monthly cost. But the service is very different from Sky. Firstly you don’t sign up for any specific period of time – it is just month to month and can be cancelled any time. You get presented with all the equipment you need in the store, in a nice recyclable red bag. You leave the store with a router, a tv cable box, coax and hdmi cables and an extra gizmo for a second tv. And you don’t pay a penny up front. That’s right, nothing. We will get a bill in arrears, monthly. But basically we were handed over a whole pile of equipment for nothing. No security. No credit card swipe. Amazing.
However, needless to say, connecting all of this up did not go quite as smoothly as expected, but they are sooooo helpful on the phone. Switching off and on again is their main technical assistance – eventually we were hooked up.
And Xfinity has apps. An app to turn your phone into a remote, an app to watch on demand tv, an app for your account, an app for everything. Hours of endless fun for me. We have HBO on demand so I’ll be catching up with Game of Thrones at last!
So much dross tv though. I never knew there were so many types of catheter. And Vein Clinics of America. Seriously, I am rather worried about my demographic profile. Clearly I am watching tv with many very ill people, judging by my ads.
BTW we supported the Seahawks – and they lost.
Ok have rambled on enough for this week. Here’s hoping our main shipment arrives this weekend, and I have more than one pan to cook with.
Images courtesy of Martin Parker. No I haven’t had a transformation or surgical help…yet.
Whole Other Country 
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